A Tale of Three Rivers

Last night my past came rushing back to me in ways that made me blush.

No, this isn’t a story about some past crush or how I tried to convince the girl (yes, GIRL) of my dreams in elementary school that we were meant for each other. I’ll save all that for some other time.

Well, a little background is necessary. For the first two years after high school I was residing in Longview, WA. I ended up getting a job at the local multiplex and stayed on there for almost 2 ½ years. I had the best boss in the world and, more importantly, made some very good friends that I have the pleasure of talking to maybe once every year or so. It’s at this theater that my story takes place…

As everyone knows who dwells outside of caves, the latest Harry Potter flick opened. My friend Pjaye and I decided to go against all reason and attend a special 12:01AM premiere last night. We walked into the theater, and immediately I thought to look for my old boss, Jim, who works at one of the multiplexes here in Vancouver. Sure enough, there was Jim in his business suit talking to one of his assistants. I walked right up to him and he recognized me immediately. First words out of his mouth:

“Greg! I was thinking about you the other day.”

Ok, now I never know how to take that. Is this a good thing? While I thoroughly enjoyed my time at the theater, I did make some really stupid mistakes. Was this a “Greg, I saw a Mariners game the other day and thought of how you drove my wife to Seattle to watch a game, only to almost fall asleep on the drive home” story? Was this a “Greg, I remember the time when you answered the phone at work ‘Three Rivers Cinemas, and you can go to hell!’ and I almost fired your ass” story? Oh no. This was much worse.

I’m standing with Pjaye next to me and Jim says, “I was reading the paper and it said that Doogan’s ashes were going to be flown into space.”

Okay, so I know what he’s talking about. ‘Doogan’ was actually James Doohan, the actor who played Scotty on the original (and best) Star Trek series. Jim continued to talk about how I was trying my damnedest to bring Scotty to little ol Longview, Washington for a Star Trek premiere and how I ‘went all the way to the top.’ Well, allow me to elaborate.

Picture it! Longview, Washington. 1994… Star Trek: Generations is coming out. We were going to get the picture and it was going to show in our largest auditorium. I was a geek and this was going to be awesome. So, I had a brilliant idea to make it better. Knowing that James Doohan lived in Renton, I thought ‘wouldn’t it be neat if we could get him down here for a premiere?! How cool would that be?’ Being a naïve 19 year old, I proposed the idea to my boss. I gotta give him credit for not breaking out in laughter at the idea. Instead, he told me to look into it. So, I did.

I called a local video store that had paid to have James Doohan sign autographs one day. They proceeded to tell me that it was a waste of money and that he was drunk the entire time. Unphased by the drinking habits of Jimmy (hey, just look at the above picture and tell me that YOU never knew that man could hold his liquor!) I asked them how they went about doing it and they directed me to his agent, Steve something or other. I got the number that would connect me to James Doohan.

I was so excited. Here I was about to talk to the agent of Mr. Scott. I gathered up my composure and dialed the number. I was directed to Agent Steve and he told me he was delighted to hear from me. I told him that what we were interested in and he said it’d be great, and that Jimmy loves these sorts of things. He’d come down to Longview, stay at a hotel, ride in a limo to our theater, speak to a couple of crowds, sign some autographs, and head back north. How cool would that be?! And then he dropped the bombshell in the form of a $25,000 price tag. He could tell that he was now talking to an all but deflated fan boy from Longview, Washington who just had his dream of meeting Scotty dashed. However, there was hope! Agent Steve gave me a phone number for someone at Paramount. All I needed to do was call Paramount Pictures and have them finance the visit. Since it was their picture, they’d be willing to do it. With this great news, I gave Agent Steve my many thanks and hung up the phone. I picked it back up and quickly dialed Paramount.

The lady on the other end of the phone burst out in laughter. “You want us to pay for what?! Longview where?! Where the hell is that?” Yep, that’s how the conversation went. In the few seconds it took for those words to be said and transmitted to my phone, my dreams of bringing a celebrity to our theater died. I had failed.

So, this was the story that Jim decided to bring up. Well, I gotta give my 19 year-old self credit for trying. Even Jim said, with a smile, how I “went all the way to the top!” In the end, it’s a good story worth laughing about. Or, once hearing it you can sit back and respond the way Pjaye did: “uh-huh.”
Of course, it should be noted that I did get to meet Jimmy Doohan at a Star Trek convention. So, while my mission to bring a celebrity to Longview, Washington failed, my mission to meet one of my childhood heroes was a success. But that’s a different story.